My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
