also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
