you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
