What a fucking waste of an outfit
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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