saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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