That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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