You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize