"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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