Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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