But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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