just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize