i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
