if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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