Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
