My nipple is on Facebook.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
