i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize