Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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