Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't deserve a penis
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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