Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
