I just saw a hot homeless man
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
