dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize