So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
