I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
