I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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