We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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