I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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