Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
