I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
