when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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