Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize