Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
