im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
