we're chasing vodka with high fives
Its about making memories worth repressing
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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