so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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