omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
