Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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