Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Pooping to opera.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
