i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize