did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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