i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
