Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
