It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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