They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
