Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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