I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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