OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it because I queefed?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
