my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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