I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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