I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
