this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
that is very illegal...i love you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
