Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
