I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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