I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
