This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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