did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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