My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
