I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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