the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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