Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
