I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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