i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
