It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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