I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
did i walk over a car last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
