Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
