Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize