Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
