Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
