a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
