my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
