no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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