addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
