Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
