u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
