Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
