Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
