i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize