I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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