i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
