Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize