Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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