Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
