butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
