I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
