Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
