is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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