My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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