So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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