My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
